Post by eddie on Apr 27, 2012 5:48:11 GMT -6
The scene opens up on the set of a cooking show. A live audience is in attendance, shown by the camera that pans around and finally settles on a counter top full of cooking items like various fresh foods, cooking utensils, bake ware, pots, pans, the whole nine yards. The counter top also sports a nice shiny stovetop with four burners and the controls off to one side. Behind the counter are some shelves with different decorations; plants, jars, along with some cupboards. The scene rests there a moment then suddenly cuts to an open doorway where Southen Soliders member, 'The Stoned Hick' Anton is talking to someone in one of the backstage dressing rooms.
'The Stoned Hick' Anton: "You almost ready? The people are waiting dude. They want to see your stoned ass! This is going to be great Eddie! Everyone knows you're a great athlete, an outstanding wrestler, a master of pain and punishment, but it's now time to show that "El Chronico" Eddie Stitchard can slow it down and be a great chef! We’re only a few days out from receiving the word about Destruction and we thought this would be a good way for you to cut a promo."
Voice of Eddie: "A cookin’ show?! You guys think settin’ up a cookin’ show for me is good for a promo, huh? Is this Brooklyn’s idea? That sorry son of a bitch."
Eddie can be heard laughing.
Voice of Eddie: "Who cares if I can cook?!"
'The Stoned Hick' Anton: "Dude, you name me one woman who doesn't love a man who can cook anything her heart desires?"
Anton walks in Eddie’s dressing room and the camera comes around to show both Anton and Eddie talking in the dressing room.
Eddie: "What the hell are you talkin’ about?! This is your reasonin’ for this?! Woman will love me?! For crying out loud Anton! We’re just over a week away from the first pay-per-view for the year and you think that this stupid idea of yours or Brooklyn’s or Casper’s or all of you will help me get in tighter with the ladies?!"
Eddie bursts out laughing!
Eddie: "Oviously, the OW didn’t hire me for my looks, but hell Anton, I had more woman in my lifetime than you’ve known your entire life! Don't tell me how to get the ladies Anton. It’s amazin’ what fame and fortune does for one’s kitchen life. Anyway, everyone knows the ladies love a man with no hair. Maybe you should be the one cooking on this show."
'The Stoned Hick' Anton: "Yes, you’ve had your fun, but how many of those woman actually loved you?"
Eddie: "Loved me? Loved me?! It doesn't matter. One night of lovin’ is enough. Any more than that and I might as well be married. God, isn't that a freakin' nightmare?!"
'The Stoned Hick' Anton: "You should be careful Eddie, you don't want to catch any nasty STD's that are going around."
Eddie smiles. He is amused by the sarcastic tone of his stable mate.
Eddie: "Anton, if you're gonna turn this into a public service announcement, then you can just get the hell out of here now. I'll have you know I only take the finest local ho's. Besides, I grill them quite thoroughly usin’ the secret El Chronico method."
'The Stoned Hick' Anton: "Oh? And what method is that?"
Eddie: "Now Anton, if I told you, it wouldn't be much of a secret now would it?"
'The Stoned Hick' Anton: "I suppose not."
Eddie: "Right."
'The Stoned Hick' Anton: "Anyway, the guys should be along to get you any minute. It’s almost time for the show to start."
Eddie: "So what the hell did you guys tell them to get me this little gig?"
'The Stoned Hick' Anton: "Hell if I know, ask Brooklyn. I just wanted to see you wearing that stupid, big ass white chef’s hat."
A wide grin appears on Anton’s face. Just then, an attendant appears in the dressing room doorway.
Attendant: "Uh, excuse me sirs, but it’s time to get started, we only have thirty minutes to tape this show Mr. Stitchard, so it's going to be like a live taping. You're ready right? You studied your lines and everything?"
Eddie: "Um, no, I left them at the hotel, but don't worry pal, I'll improvise."
'The Stoned Hick' Anton: "Your stoned ass is going to improvise? I can’t wait to see this."
Anton has a huge smile plastered on his face.
Eddie: "You think that’s funny huh? Well, wait, you haven’t seen anything yet. This is goin’ to be fun."
Attendant: "Uh, Eddie, we need to go to the set immediately."
Eddie’s smile disappears.
Eddie: "Kid get your ass behind your camera and I'll be out in a minute! Gotta get this stupid hat on."
The attendant leaves Eddie's dressing room and within seconds, Eddie walks out to the stage area. He gets a conservative round of applause from the small crowd gathered for what looks like an infomercial. Eddie waves a hand and waits just behind the curtains off to the side of the cooking set itself. He is ready to go as he gets a signal that everything is ready to get started. A countdown screen comes on for the audience and as it reaches zero, an "Applause" sign lights up and the crowd comes to life as they clap to welcome the host of today's show. From just off to the left side of the stage comes wrestling superstar, the imposing Eddie Stitchard dressed in blue jeans, black Globe skateshoes, a grey t-shirt covered by a white and red apron with the words "Get out of my fuckin' kitchen!" embroidered on the front, and a big, fluffy, goofy, white chef's hat that stands straight up on his head. He sports his trademark scruffy beard that frames his jaw, but what is most noticeable about Eddie are his intense green eyes. He walks onto the set and stands behind the cook counter and looks out to the crowd and the camera.
Eddie: "Welcome everyone! I'm your esteemed host, Eddie Stitchard, and today I'm going to cook up some sort of mouth watering dish that I don't know the name of yet. But not to worry, we'll all have it figured out by the end of the show, okay? So, unless you feel the urge to ask any stupid, inane questions at this time, I'll get started with today's episode of "The Crazy Stoner's Concoction".
The "Applause" sign lights up again and the audience begins to clap. Eddie does not see any hands up so he continues.
Eddie: "Alright, let's get started. Now, sometimes you're sittin’ at home and you're thinking to yourself, "What kind of ass kickin' dish can I come up with that would make my family stand up and shout, YOUR THE ULTIMATE CHEF!"?
The attendant, in a loud whisper...
Attendant: "Watch your language."
Eddie: "Kiss my ass! Now, in order to make this taste bud smackin’ dish, you need to gather some spices, a few veggies, and some fine boneless, skinless chicken breast. Of course, if you love to work with knives, you can do all the pepper paste work yourself. Ah! Here we go!"
Eddie reaches down behind the counter and pulls up a cage containing a live chicken inside. He shows it to the audience as he smiles proudly. He sets the cage on the far end of the counter where a large butcher knife rests on a wooden cutting board. He proceeds by opening the cage and pulling out the chicken. He holds it close and pets it a few times before grabbing it by the head and legs and laying it across the cutting board. He ties the head down and keeps hold of its legs, grabbing hold of the butcher knife with his delicious hand. He looks to the audience once more as the chicken loudly protests it's current predicament.
Eddie: "Now, speakin’ from experience, nothin’ beats fresh chicken. Little Clucky here might not agree, but who cares right? We don't. Hahahaha!!! That's why we're higher on the food chain. Now, don't be alarmed folks, I've done this sort of thing before so I know what I'm doin’."
Eddie cooly smiles at the audience before driving the butcher knife down and cutting the chicken's head clean off. Eddie releases the chicken's legs and it begins to run around all over the place, wildly flapping its wings. Soon, it enters the audience's area and goes bananas as it lands on people's heads, in people's laps, etc.. Some of the obviously offended older folk seem to have had enough as they try to leave the set. They reach the door and notice that it's...
Eddie: "Sorry folks, but all the doors are locked. So sit your asses down and pay attention. Some information here might save your worthless lives someday. Now, don't worry everybody, in a few minutes that headless chicken will just fall and twitch a bit before finally dyin’. Now you know where the expression, "Runnin’ around like a chicken with it's head cut off" comes from right? Hahaha!!!"
The "Applause" sign lights up again but there is noticeably less applause from the horrified crowd, except for a small group of younger fans that are quite boisterous. Eddie doesn't seem to notice as he continues. Meanwhile, the attendant's eyes have bulged out considerably since the chicken incident. Apparently in shock, he let's the tape roll nonetheless.
Eddie: "Well, with Clucky havin’ run off somewhere on the set, luckily I had some stage lackey prepare a plate before the show."
Eddie pulls out a plate with a number of pieces of raw white chicken breasts and sets it on the counter.
Eddie: "Ok, so now just set your burner on... on... oh hell, just max it! Then place a frying pan over top of it. So while that's on the go, chop up your veggies, which include green peppers, red peppers, onions, broccoli, mushrooms, and this vegetable I've never seen before. I'm not sure what it's called, so let's just call it BIg Daddy P. Yep, that suits it just fine, a vegetable with a forgettable name."
Obviously, by now, this audience that is mostly comprised of senior citizens, has realized much too late that this is not your ordinary cooking show...
**A few minutes later into the show.**
Eddie: "Ok, so now we have the chicken and the veggies cooking. Now let's add in a few spices. As you can see, I have a whack load of spices sittin’ here. But which one to use if you want your dish to have some kick to it? You know, to make it nice and spicy. Well, let's take a look at a few. Here we have one, it's called "Big Daddy P" Paprika. Hmmph! Now this one is pretty lame and pathetic. Aside from addin’ a bit of color to your dish, its serves very little purpose. Which, as I'm sure you all know, Big Daddy P as a wrestler doesn't even compare to Paprika since this Paprika, as a spice, although bland, adds color and Big Daddy P does nothin’ what so ever as a wrestler. He takes up valuable space on the roster that could better be served by an ambidextrous, two headed monkey. Nope, this ”Big Daddy P” Paprika just can't cut it on this show folks. Say bye-bye to poor little Big Daddy."
The few die hard wrestling fans, who caught a lucky break while surfing the net of Eddie's appearance on this show and managed to get tickets to it, are yelling with enthusiasm.
Fans: "Good bye! Good riddance! And don't come back! WOOOOO!!!!!!"
Eddie: "That's right. Now, let's see what else we have here, "Big Daddy P" onion Powder. Well, not bad, but we're lookin’ to improve this dish and I'm afraid this spice just can't cut it. It's a good spice but won't do much to improve this masterpiece. Even combined with a few others, it barely makes a significant difference, but on it's own, it's pretty ineffective. There's just no kick to it, no pizzazz. Nope, this one most definitely isn't a winner. Reminds me of that poor simpleton Big Daddy P tryin’ desperately to build an alliance with just about anybody, but since his star power is virtually nil, no one really wants any part of that selfish little clown. Next up, we have... hey buddy!"
Eddie calls out to the attendant.
Eddie: "Have you seen the bottle of "Big Daddy P" Sage?"
Attendant: "Nope, maybe someone hid it from you. That's probably why it's not there."
Eddie: "Oh yeah, that's right. Little Big Daddy P is hidin’ out somewhere, anywhere away from the Southen Solider. No wonder it's out of sight, and soon to be out of mind. Anyway folks, I'm getting a bit frustrated here. All the spices my producers saw fit to supply us with suck! So let's go to theses bottle here... Ah! Here we go! "Big Daddy P" Tabasco Sauce! Now this will kick you in the gut and light you up. You won't know what to do with yourself once it nails your taste buds! Ouch! Keep 911 handy. Ok, now I need only one more thing... Oh yeah! Here we go..."
Eddie holds up a bottle with red sauce inside.
Eddie: "Here's another one that you can't do without, "Eddie Stitchard" Chili Sauce. With a name like that, you know this one'll be good... good, what am I saying? It's gonna kick ass! Now let's dump a bit of this in the frying pan... and voila! Just a few more minutes and this'll be ready. Get ready folks 'cause your taste buds are gonna melt and skyrocket all at the same time. Ok, we need somethin’ to make this meal complete. How about some long grain rice? It's a good source of carbohydrates and for you porkers out there, low in fat."
A few snickers can be heard from the live audience as well as a few gasps at Eddie's latest comment. Within minutes, everything looks complete as Eddie prepares a huge helping on a white plate. The camera gets a close up and to your surprise, the dish actually looks good. Eddie continues...
Eddie: "There, now doesn't that look great?"
The "Applause" sign lights up again and only a few claps can be heard along with the howls of the die hard wrestling fans. Eddie seems unphased by the lack of fanfare from these elderly folk as he takes his plate and sets it on it's own on a small table.
Eddie: "Now all we need is somethin’ to wash this down and a little wine would go well with this. Let's see, ah, here we are, "Big Daddy P" wine. You know there is no better whiner, er I mean, wine than this my friends. Sure, I have some of the earlier "Big Daddp P" wine, but that one is a bit too dry and bland, and frankly borin’ as hell. With a name like that, you know this stuff has nothin’ to offer. Not what you want with a quality meal. Now, some cheese? Well, I have some of the usual suspects and the smelliest of the bunch, "Big Daddy P" cheese, but hardly appropriate for a classy and tasty meal such as this one. Alright, now comes the ultimate test. One bite from your's truly..."
Eddie sits down in the chair behind the table and places a napkin in his lap. Looking quite proud of himself, he takes a fork and sinks it into the rice, chicken and vegetable mix. He brings the food up to his mouth and as he's about to take a bite, the headless chicken reappears suddenly from off camera, landing right in his plate. It's flapping its wings wildly as it knocks the fork from Eddie's hand and knocks him backwards in his chair. As Eddie falls, his feet kick the table up into the air as food, wine, flowers, and all go flying in every direction before crashing to the floor. The chicken goes flailing about in every direction as Eddie stands up and removes the chef's hat from his eyes. Rage has filled those intense green eyes as Eddie reaches for a big cleaver. He chases the chicken which is now destroying the counter top and sending food and other cooking items to the floor. flour falls to the floor causing a cloud of white powder to rise in the air. Eddie leaps onto the chicken and finishes it off, though you don't see it from behind the counter. Eddie stands up and looks into the camera. His face is white thanks to the flour and flecked with red spots. He flashes a devilish smile as he addresses the live and home audience once more.
Eddie: "Phew! Well folks, I hope you had as much fun as I did today, but that is all the time we have. I know I learned a lot and I hope you did too. This is Eddie Stitchard sayin’, if you don't like the way I do things, then stay the hell out of my kitchen! So long everybody!"
Some corny music begins to play as the "Applause" sign lights up one last time, though the only people left in their seats at this point are the die hard wrestling fans. All the older folk have gone as soon as the door locks were released. 'The Stoned Hick' Anton is seen approaching Eddie shaking his head all the while.
Eddie: "So, what'd ya' think Anton? Pretty damn good show huh? Let's see those old, tight ass chefs on TV top this cooking show!"
'The Stoned Hick' Anton: "Man, that was awesome! That was some of the craziest shit I’ve ever seen! Though, I admit, you did look pretty goofy with the chef’s hat."
Eddie: "What are you talking about?! This hat served its purpose. No one can make these hats look any cooler than I can. Besides, this was the ultimate cooking show. Hell Anton, did you notice how there's more life in that headless chicken than in most of the OW roster? They’re all gonna get their gooses cooked! It's only a matter of time now. I'm psyched. Bring on the ladder match!"
'The Stoned Hick' Anton: "You’re insane! This cooking show was insane!"
Eddie: "Meh, you're like all the critics. How can you ever understand a true artist?"
Anton smiles at the joke.
'The Stoned Hick' Anton: "So, busy next weekend or what?"
Eddie: "Well, you know, I only have a ladder match to win!"
'The Stoned Hick' Anton: "Don’t we all? Just checking to make sure you didn’t forget."
Eddie: "Me forget about a huge match of this magnitude?! Are you kiddin’ me?! The only people doin’ any forgettin’ here are those delusional and monumental jokes that fill up the OW roster. These guys are in deep crap and they know it. They’ve been hidin’ behind their false bravado for so long now, most fans can’t remember or care who these jackasses actually are. But rest assured, a lot of eyes will be opened at Domination. The only question left there is will that happen before or after they’ve all been knocked the hell out!"
'The Stoned Hick' Anton: "Good, you’re focused. Do what needs to be done Eddie. Just do what needs to be done. You know we all will be doing just that. It’s going to be a huge night for the Southen Soliders!"
Eddie: "You bet your ass! Get ready for it!"
The two of them begin to walk off the set. Anton is relating the finer points of a classy cooking show as Eddie and he sign a few autographs for the fans who stayed behind. The lights dim and the picture fades out.
'The Stoned Hick' Anton: "You almost ready? The people are waiting dude. They want to see your stoned ass! This is going to be great Eddie! Everyone knows you're a great athlete, an outstanding wrestler, a master of pain and punishment, but it's now time to show that "El Chronico" Eddie Stitchard can slow it down and be a great chef! We’re only a few days out from receiving the word about Destruction and we thought this would be a good way for you to cut a promo."
Voice of Eddie: "A cookin’ show?! You guys think settin’ up a cookin’ show for me is good for a promo, huh? Is this Brooklyn’s idea? That sorry son of a bitch."
Eddie can be heard laughing.
Voice of Eddie: "Who cares if I can cook?!"
'The Stoned Hick' Anton: "Dude, you name me one woman who doesn't love a man who can cook anything her heart desires?"
Anton walks in Eddie’s dressing room and the camera comes around to show both Anton and Eddie talking in the dressing room.
Eddie: "What the hell are you talkin’ about?! This is your reasonin’ for this?! Woman will love me?! For crying out loud Anton! We’re just over a week away from the first pay-per-view for the year and you think that this stupid idea of yours or Brooklyn’s or Casper’s or all of you will help me get in tighter with the ladies?!"
Eddie bursts out laughing!
Eddie: "Oviously, the OW didn’t hire me for my looks, but hell Anton, I had more woman in my lifetime than you’ve known your entire life! Don't tell me how to get the ladies Anton. It’s amazin’ what fame and fortune does for one’s kitchen life. Anyway, everyone knows the ladies love a man with no hair. Maybe you should be the one cooking on this show."
'The Stoned Hick' Anton: "Yes, you’ve had your fun, but how many of those woman actually loved you?"
Eddie: "Loved me? Loved me?! It doesn't matter. One night of lovin’ is enough. Any more than that and I might as well be married. God, isn't that a freakin' nightmare?!"
'The Stoned Hick' Anton: "You should be careful Eddie, you don't want to catch any nasty STD's that are going around."
Eddie smiles. He is amused by the sarcastic tone of his stable mate.
Eddie: "Anton, if you're gonna turn this into a public service announcement, then you can just get the hell out of here now. I'll have you know I only take the finest local ho's. Besides, I grill them quite thoroughly usin’ the secret El Chronico method."
'The Stoned Hick' Anton: "Oh? And what method is that?"
Eddie: "Now Anton, if I told you, it wouldn't be much of a secret now would it?"
'The Stoned Hick' Anton: "I suppose not."
Eddie: "Right."
'The Stoned Hick' Anton: "Anyway, the guys should be along to get you any minute. It’s almost time for the show to start."
Eddie: "So what the hell did you guys tell them to get me this little gig?"
'The Stoned Hick' Anton: "Hell if I know, ask Brooklyn. I just wanted to see you wearing that stupid, big ass white chef’s hat."
A wide grin appears on Anton’s face. Just then, an attendant appears in the dressing room doorway.
Attendant: "Uh, excuse me sirs, but it’s time to get started, we only have thirty minutes to tape this show Mr. Stitchard, so it's going to be like a live taping. You're ready right? You studied your lines and everything?"
Eddie: "Um, no, I left them at the hotel, but don't worry pal, I'll improvise."
'The Stoned Hick' Anton: "Your stoned ass is going to improvise? I can’t wait to see this."
Anton has a huge smile plastered on his face.
Eddie: "You think that’s funny huh? Well, wait, you haven’t seen anything yet. This is goin’ to be fun."
Attendant: "Uh, Eddie, we need to go to the set immediately."
Eddie’s smile disappears.
Eddie: "Kid get your ass behind your camera and I'll be out in a minute! Gotta get this stupid hat on."
The attendant leaves Eddie's dressing room and within seconds, Eddie walks out to the stage area. He gets a conservative round of applause from the small crowd gathered for what looks like an infomercial. Eddie waves a hand and waits just behind the curtains off to the side of the cooking set itself. He is ready to go as he gets a signal that everything is ready to get started. A countdown screen comes on for the audience and as it reaches zero, an "Applause" sign lights up and the crowd comes to life as they clap to welcome the host of today's show. From just off to the left side of the stage comes wrestling superstar, the imposing Eddie Stitchard dressed in blue jeans, black Globe skateshoes, a grey t-shirt covered by a white and red apron with the words "Get out of my fuckin' kitchen!" embroidered on the front, and a big, fluffy, goofy, white chef's hat that stands straight up on his head. He sports his trademark scruffy beard that frames his jaw, but what is most noticeable about Eddie are his intense green eyes. He walks onto the set and stands behind the cook counter and looks out to the crowd and the camera.
Eddie: "Welcome everyone! I'm your esteemed host, Eddie Stitchard, and today I'm going to cook up some sort of mouth watering dish that I don't know the name of yet. But not to worry, we'll all have it figured out by the end of the show, okay? So, unless you feel the urge to ask any stupid, inane questions at this time, I'll get started with today's episode of "The Crazy Stoner's Concoction".
The "Applause" sign lights up again and the audience begins to clap. Eddie does not see any hands up so he continues.
Eddie: "Alright, let's get started. Now, sometimes you're sittin’ at home and you're thinking to yourself, "What kind of ass kickin' dish can I come up with that would make my family stand up and shout, YOUR THE ULTIMATE CHEF!"?
The attendant, in a loud whisper...
Attendant: "Watch your language."
Eddie: "Kiss my ass! Now, in order to make this taste bud smackin’ dish, you need to gather some spices, a few veggies, and some fine boneless, skinless chicken breast. Of course, if you love to work with knives, you can do all the pepper paste work yourself. Ah! Here we go!"
Eddie reaches down behind the counter and pulls up a cage containing a live chicken inside. He shows it to the audience as he smiles proudly. He sets the cage on the far end of the counter where a large butcher knife rests on a wooden cutting board. He proceeds by opening the cage and pulling out the chicken. He holds it close and pets it a few times before grabbing it by the head and legs and laying it across the cutting board. He ties the head down and keeps hold of its legs, grabbing hold of the butcher knife with his delicious hand. He looks to the audience once more as the chicken loudly protests it's current predicament.
Eddie: "Now, speakin’ from experience, nothin’ beats fresh chicken. Little Clucky here might not agree, but who cares right? We don't. Hahahaha!!! That's why we're higher on the food chain. Now, don't be alarmed folks, I've done this sort of thing before so I know what I'm doin’."
Eddie cooly smiles at the audience before driving the butcher knife down and cutting the chicken's head clean off. Eddie releases the chicken's legs and it begins to run around all over the place, wildly flapping its wings. Soon, it enters the audience's area and goes bananas as it lands on people's heads, in people's laps, etc.. Some of the obviously offended older folk seem to have had enough as they try to leave the set. They reach the door and notice that it's...
Eddie: "Sorry folks, but all the doors are locked. So sit your asses down and pay attention. Some information here might save your worthless lives someday. Now, don't worry everybody, in a few minutes that headless chicken will just fall and twitch a bit before finally dyin’. Now you know where the expression, "Runnin’ around like a chicken with it's head cut off" comes from right? Hahaha!!!"
The "Applause" sign lights up again but there is noticeably less applause from the horrified crowd, except for a small group of younger fans that are quite boisterous. Eddie doesn't seem to notice as he continues. Meanwhile, the attendant's eyes have bulged out considerably since the chicken incident. Apparently in shock, he let's the tape roll nonetheless.
Eddie: "Well, with Clucky havin’ run off somewhere on the set, luckily I had some stage lackey prepare a plate before the show."
Eddie pulls out a plate with a number of pieces of raw white chicken breasts and sets it on the counter.
Eddie: "Ok, so now just set your burner on... on... oh hell, just max it! Then place a frying pan over top of it. So while that's on the go, chop up your veggies, which include green peppers, red peppers, onions, broccoli, mushrooms, and this vegetable I've never seen before. I'm not sure what it's called, so let's just call it BIg Daddy P. Yep, that suits it just fine, a vegetable with a forgettable name."
Obviously, by now, this audience that is mostly comprised of senior citizens, has realized much too late that this is not your ordinary cooking show...
**A few minutes later into the show.**
Eddie: "Ok, so now we have the chicken and the veggies cooking. Now let's add in a few spices. As you can see, I have a whack load of spices sittin’ here. But which one to use if you want your dish to have some kick to it? You know, to make it nice and spicy. Well, let's take a look at a few. Here we have one, it's called "Big Daddy P" Paprika. Hmmph! Now this one is pretty lame and pathetic. Aside from addin’ a bit of color to your dish, its serves very little purpose. Which, as I'm sure you all know, Big Daddy P as a wrestler doesn't even compare to Paprika since this Paprika, as a spice, although bland, adds color and Big Daddy P does nothin’ what so ever as a wrestler. He takes up valuable space on the roster that could better be served by an ambidextrous, two headed monkey. Nope, this ”Big Daddy P” Paprika just can't cut it on this show folks. Say bye-bye to poor little Big Daddy."
The few die hard wrestling fans, who caught a lucky break while surfing the net of Eddie's appearance on this show and managed to get tickets to it, are yelling with enthusiasm.
Fans: "Good bye! Good riddance! And don't come back! WOOOOO!!!!!!"
Eddie: "That's right. Now, let's see what else we have here, "Big Daddy P" onion Powder. Well, not bad, but we're lookin’ to improve this dish and I'm afraid this spice just can't cut it. It's a good spice but won't do much to improve this masterpiece. Even combined with a few others, it barely makes a significant difference, but on it's own, it's pretty ineffective. There's just no kick to it, no pizzazz. Nope, this one most definitely isn't a winner. Reminds me of that poor simpleton Big Daddy P tryin’ desperately to build an alliance with just about anybody, but since his star power is virtually nil, no one really wants any part of that selfish little clown. Next up, we have... hey buddy!"
Eddie calls out to the attendant.
Eddie: "Have you seen the bottle of "Big Daddy P" Sage?"
Attendant: "Nope, maybe someone hid it from you. That's probably why it's not there."
Eddie: "Oh yeah, that's right. Little Big Daddy P is hidin’ out somewhere, anywhere away from the Southen Solider. No wonder it's out of sight, and soon to be out of mind. Anyway folks, I'm getting a bit frustrated here. All the spices my producers saw fit to supply us with suck! So let's go to theses bottle here... Ah! Here we go! "Big Daddy P" Tabasco Sauce! Now this will kick you in the gut and light you up. You won't know what to do with yourself once it nails your taste buds! Ouch! Keep 911 handy. Ok, now I need only one more thing... Oh yeah! Here we go..."
Eddie holds up a bottle with red sauce inside.
Eddie: "Here's another one that you can't do without, "Eddie Stitchard" Chili Sauce. With a name like that, you know this one'll be good... good, what am I saying? It's gonna kick ass! Now let's dump a bit of this in the frying pan... and voila! Just a few more minutes and this'll be ready. Get ready folks 'cause your taste buds are gonna melt and skyrocket all at the same time. Ok, we need somethin’ to make this meal complete. How about some long grain rice? It's a good source of carbohydrates and for you porkers out there, low in fat."
A few snickers can be heard from the live audience as well as a few gasps at Eddie's latest comment. Within minutes, everything looks complete as Eddie prepares a huge helping on a white plate. The camera gets a close up and to your surprise, the dish actually looks good. Eddie continues...
Eddie: "There, now doesn't that look great?"
The "Applause" sign lights up again and only a few claps can be heard along with the howls of the die hard wrestling fans. Eddie seems unphased by the lack of fanfare from these elderly folk as he takes his plate and sets it on it's own on a small table.
Eddie: "Now all we need is somethin’ to wash this down and a little wine would go well with this. Let's see, ah, here we are, "Big Daddy P" wine. You know there is no better whiner, er I mean, wine than this my friends. Sure, I have some of the earlier "Big Daddp P" wine, but that one is a bit too dry and bland, and frankly borin’ as hell. With a name like that, you know this stuff has nothin’ to offer. Not what you want with a quality meal. Now, some cheese? Well, I have some of the usual suspects and the smelliest of the bunch, "Big Daddy P" cheese, but hardly appropriate for a classy and tasty meal such as this one. Alright, now comes the ultimate test. One bite from your's truly..."
Eddie sits down in the chair behind the table and places a napkin in his lap. Looking quite proud of himself, he takes a fork and sinks it into the rice, chicken and vegetable mix. He brings the food up to his mouth and as he's about to take a bite, the headless chicken reappears suddenly from off camera, landing right in his plate. It's flapping its wings wildly as it knocks the fork from Eddie's hand and knocks him backwards in his chair. As Eddie falls, his feet kick the table up into the air as food, wine, flowers, and all go flying in every direction before crashing to the floor. The chicken goes flailing about in every direction as Eddie stands up and removes the chef's hat from his eyes. Rage has filled those intense green eyes as Eddie reaches for a big cleaver. He chases the chicken which is now destroying the counter top and sending food and other cooking items to the floor. flour falls to the floor causing a cloud of white powder to rise in the air. Eddie leaps onto the chicken and finishes it off, though you don't see it from behind the counter. Eddie stands up and looks into the camera. His face is white thanks to the flour and flecked with red spots. He flashes a devilish smile as he addresses the live and home audience once more.
Eddie: "Phew! Well folks, I hope you had as much fun as I did today, but that is all the time we have. I know I learned a lot and I hope you did too. This is Eddie Stitchard sayin’, if you don't like the way I do things, then stay the hell out of my kitchen! So long everybody!"
Some corny music begins to play as the "Applause" sign lights up one last time, though the only people left in their seats at this point are the die hard wrestling fans. All the older folk have gone as soon as the door locks were released. 'The Stoned Hick' Anton is seen approaching Eddie shaking his head all the while.
Eddie: "So, what'd ya' think Anton? Pretty damn good show huh? Let's see those old, tight ass chefs on TV top this cooking show!"
'The Stoned Hick' Anton: "Man, that was awesome! That was some of the craziest shit I’ve ever seen! Though, I admit, you did look pretty goofy with the chef’s hat."
Eddie: "What are you talking about?! This hat served its purpose. No one can make these hats look any cooler than I can. Besides, this was the ultimate cooking show. Hell Anton, did you notice how there's more life in that headless chicken than in most of the OW roster? They’re all gonna get their gooses cooked! It's only a matter of time now. I'm psyched. Bring on the ladder match!"
'The Stoned Hick' Anton: "You’re insane! This cooking show was insane!"
Eddie: "Meh, you're like all the critics. How can you ever understand a true artist?"
Anton smiles at the joke.
'The Stoned Hick' Anton: "So, busy next weekend or what?"
Eddie: "Well, you know, I only have a ladder match to win!"
'The Stoned Hick' Anton: "Don’t we all? Just checking to make sure you didn’t forget."
Eddie: "Me forget about a huge match of this magnitude?! Are you kiddin’ me?! The only people doin’ any forgettin’ here are those delusional and monumental jokes that fill up the OW roster. These guys are in deep crap and they know it. They’ve been hidin’ behind their false bravado for so long now, most fans can’t remember or care who these jackasses actually are. But rest assured, a lot of eyes will be opened at Domination. The only question left there is will that happen before or after they’ve all been knocked the hell out!"
'The Stoned Hick' Anton: "Good, you’re focused. Do what needs to be done Eddie. Just do what needs to be done. You know we all will be doing just that. It’s going to be a huge night for the Southen Soliders!"
Eddie: "You bet your ass! Get ready for it!"
The two of them begin to walk off the set. Anton is relating the finer points of a classy cooking show as Eddie and he sign a few autographs for the fans who stayed behind. The lights dim and the picture fades out.