Post by stoopidstu on Aug 17, 2012 19:48:31 GMT -6
Nothing.
A black screen is all that’s in front of you before ever so slowly a landscape takes pride of place in front of your very eyes. It’s a darkened, silent place set in front of the moonlight shining down a deep purple clouded and desperate sky, illuminating the few stranded trees blowing from one side to the other in the gushes of wind. Those deserted trees silhouetted in the night sky, a common bond between them a small fence.
A flash of lightning in the distance, the roar of thunder a few moments after before the scene returns to silence.
The seconds tick by as another flash of light fills the night sky, yet this time burns an image that is everlasting. Vigilante and Damage take pride of place in the sky, their angry faces making them look either really fucking angry, or just constipated.
For a few moments more these two giant faces look down upon you in more disdain than the dude in the Ghostbusters painting ever could. But from somewhere on ground level, there’s movement.
A beam of light shines up in between the faces, but this is no signal for Batman. The light grey circle between the faces has a logo silhouetted. Standing tall, standing proud in the night sky is a symbol of greatness, it is... a beer glass.
The view zooms out to reveal a conference room, what you’ve just been watching is one mighty power point presentation and the guy that’s just put it all together is the self proclaimed, England’s Favourite Wrestler, and the often praised #1 Brit; Stu-E Price.
“Welcome to the very first Odyssey promotional video for none other than me. Granted, I was meant to do this type of shit last week but well, I was in Madrid surrounded by teenage girls and they wouldn’t let me leave... Thankfully the Viagra I found wouldn’t let me leave them either so I showed up unprepared and out of shape for any sort of wrestling contest.”
He pushes a button on the control in his hand and the presentation skips to a picture of Damage winning the match.
“What did you guys really expect from me? To bounce around the ring like the old days? To put on a wrestling clinic with an inferior opponent? If you haven’t noticed, that shit was a hell of a long time ago, I’m not ‘that guy’ any more, I was barely ‘that guy’ all those years ago either.
Since I’ve been out of the ring I’ve lead a relatively normal life, doing relatively normal things. That means not going to the gym every damn day to lift inanimate objects, not running ten miles every two days and not doing seven hundred and fifty hindu squats four times a week.
What I have been doing is enjoying my life, getting reacquainted to the finest global beers money can buy, sampling the World’s grandest vodka and sipping on the best single malt whiskies ever distilled.”
Again he clicks the button, now the picture is of him in Madrid holding a bottle of whisky and being surrounded by teenage girls .
“Let’s all be honest, every guy stuck with a wife at home and kids in the house would fucking love to live the life that I do. Every fucker who has to go to work a shitty job for minimum wage dreams of the life I’m living. It’s not my fault, that’s just down to people making the wrong decisions at different points of their lives. Which brings me directly to the upcoming opponents at this wrestling show. It’s so bloody unimportant in the grand scheme of things that I don’t remember the name of the damn thing!
But this week I’m stepping in the ring with the guy who beat me when I was at my worst, and his tag team partner, Vigilante. I’ll be honest and say I know less of them than I did last week, the very little I do know is more than enough for me.
I know that simply they’re in the wrong place at the wrong time, they’ve made those wrong decisions at the wrong point of their lives. Sure, they could go on to have dazzling careers if all this wasn’t about to go down but the fact is these two buffoons don’t have a clue what they’re getting themselves in to.”
He walks forwards to the projector, turning it off and just leaning against a chair.
“It might feel like you’re doing the right thing right now guys but fourteen years down the line of your career you’re going to be sitting in a hospital with dodgy backs and busted knees and wondering why nobody cares about you. The only reason, that outweighs any contribution you might make to this business, is that you dared to think yourselves worthy enough to mess with The UK Crew.
There’s a reason why our victims remain nameless, yet our legend carries on; when we are through with you, you just don’t matter anymore. Tag Team Titles, Intercontinental Titles, Lightweight Titles, UKCW; the only time anything, any promotion or anyone really matters in this business is when it’s associated with us.
You and your tag team, your promotion; you have two more shows left to be mainstream so please enjoy it while it lasts because I don’t have the personality to keep up helping this one big charity case.”
He laughs a little before cockily smiling as he walks away from the screen as the promo blurs out to white.
A black screen is all that’s in front of you before ever so slowly a landscape takes pride of place in front of your very eyes. It’s a darkened, silent place set in front of the moonlight shining down a deep purple clouded and desperate sky, illuminating the few stranded trees blowing from one side to the other in the gushes of wind. Those deserted trees silhouetted in the night sky, a common bond between them a small fence.
A flash of lightning in the distance, the roar of thunder a few moments after before the scene returns to silence.
The seconds tick by as another flash of light fills the night sky, yet this time burns an image that is everlasting. Vigilante and Damage take pride of place in the sky, their angry faces making them look either really fucking angry, or just constipated.
For a few moments more these two giant faces look down upon you in more disdain than the dude in the Ghostbusters painting ever could. But from somewhere on ground level, there’s movement.
A beam of light shines up in between the faces, but this is no signal for Batman. The light grey circle between the faces has a logo silhouetted. Standing tall, standing proud in the night sky is a symbol of greatness, it is... a beer glass.
The view zooms out to reveal a conference room, what you’ve just been watching is one mighty power point presentation and the guy that’s just put it all together is the self proclaimed, England’s Favourite Wrestler, and the often praised #1 Brit; Stu-E Price.
“Welcome to the very first Odyssey promotional video for none other than me. Granted, I was meant to do this type of shit last week but well, I was in Madrid surrounded by teenage girls and they wouldn’t let me leave... Thankfully the Viagra I found wouldn’t let me leave them either so I showed up unprepared and out of shape for any sort of wrestling contest.”
He pushes a button on the control in his hand and the presentation skips to a picture of Damage winning the match.
“What did you guys really expect from me? To bounce around the ring like the old days? To put on a wrestling clinic with an inferior opponent? If you haven’t noticed, that shit was a hell of a long time ago, I’m not ‘that guy’ any more, I was barely ‘that guy’ all those years ago either.
Since I’ve been out of the ring I’ve lead a relatively normal life, doing relatively normal things. That means not going to the gym every damn day to lift inanimate objects, not running ten miles every two days and not doing seven hundred and fifty hindu squats four times a week.
What I have been doing is enjoying my life, getting reacquainted to the finest global beers money can buy, sampling the World’s grandest vodka and sipping on the best single malt whiskies ever distilled.”
Again he clicks the button, now the picture is of him in Madrid holding a bottle of whisky and being surrounded by teenage girls .
“Let’s all be honest, every guy stuck with a wife at home and kids in the house would fucking love to live the life that I do. Every fucker who has to go to work a shitty job for minimum wage dreams of the life I’m living. It’s not my fault, that’s just down to people making the wrong decisions at different points of their lives. Which brings me directly to the upcoming opponents at this wrestling show. It’s so bloody unimportant in the grand scheme of things that I don’t remember the name of the damn thing!
But this week I’m stepping in the ring with the guy who beat me when I was at my worst, and his tag team partner, Vigilante. I’ll be honest and say I know less of them than I did last week, the very little I do know is more than enough for me.
I know that simply they’re in the wrong place at the wrong time, they’ve made those wrong decisions at the wrong point of their lives. Sure, they could go on to have dazzling careers if all this wasn’t about to go down but the fact is these two buffoons don’t have a clue what they’re getting themselves in to.”
He walks forwards to the projector, turning it off and just leaning against a chair.
“It might feel like you’re doing the right thing right now guys but fourteen years down the line of your career you’re going to be sitting in a hospital with dodgy backs and busted knees and wondering why nobody cares about you. The only reason, that outweighs any contribution you might make to this business, is that you dared to think yourselves worthy enough to mess with The UK Crew.
There’s a reason why our victims remain nameless, yet our legend carries on; when we are through with you, you just don’t matter anymore. Tag Team Titles, Intercontinental Titles, Lightweight Titles, UKCW; the only time anything, any promotion or anyone really matters in this business is when it’s associated with us.
You and your tag team, your promotion; you have two more shows left to be mainstream so please enjoy it while it lasts because I don’t have the personality to keep up helping this one big charity case.”
He laughs a little before cockily smiling as he walks away from the screen as the promo blurs out to white.
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